Holy Listening: The Art of Spiritual Direction by Margaret Guenther [Book Review]
What Is Holy Listening?
The title of a book can act as an important conveyor of the work’s primary message. The topic of this book is spiritual direction, a term that many in the field agree is not the one we prefer nor think is accurate to describe the relationship it is meant to describe today. Many feel that words like guide, companion, or friend are more apt to the meaning and intention of the spiritual director-directee relationship. The term “director” implies a more active principle in which one instructs or even commands the directee in how to proceed in their spiritual life. Margaret Guenther seems to have arrived at the most appropriate phrase to describe the role of what we call a spiritual director in the title of her book: Holy Listening.
Many feel that words like guide, companion, or friend are more apt to the meaning and intention of the spiritual director-directee relationship.
Guenther’s Audience and Purpose
While not explicitly directed at the prospective directee, Guenther’s book has the potential to wrap you in a warm and cozy sacred blanket, thus conveying a little something of the experience of having a nurturing and effective spiritual director. The primary intended audience for this book is the person interested in becoming, in training for, or acting in the role of a spiritual director. Guenther emphasizes the sacred mission of the role, which is not about fixing or solving problems but to remind others to discern the presence of God in their lives.
A Woman’s Perspective
In her book, Guenther compares spiritual direction to hospitality, teaching, and midwifery. In comparing spiritual direction to these other common roles that many women are familiar with, she achieves the task of “showing rather than telling” how to be an effective spiritual director. Other books I have read about spiritual direction that were written by men seem much more heady, intellectual, and directive. Guenther seeks to describe spiritual direction from her unique perspective as a woman, wife, mother, teacher, and Episcopal priest.
How Is a Spiritual Director Like a Hostess?
First, Guenther shares that a spiritual director offers hospitality to her directees. Those who seek spiritual direction are on a journey of discovery, so Guenther invites spiritual directors to consider the role of host when meeting directees. In addition to doing one’s own work in self-awareness as preparation, we should prepare a space that physically and spiritually invites the directee with unhurried comfort, reflective listening, thoughtful questions, and an invitation to forgiveness and healing when needed.
How Is a Spiritual Director Like a Teacher?
Then, Guenther writes that “the spiritual director is simultaneously a learner and teacher of discernment” (p 43). Discernment involves perceiving the presence of God in our lives and making judgments about how to apply the wisdom acquired through perception. She writes that Jesus is the best example of the model teacher. Good teachers encourage play, are hopeful, ask questions, are willing and able to evaluate progress, are willing to be vulnerable, are learners themselves, and educate toward maturity. Spiritual directors help “people discover how to define themselves in relation . . . to God” (p 69). They often teach directees about prayer or a rule of life or suggest books that might be interesting and/or helpful to the directee.
How Is a Spiritual Director Like a Midwife?
Next, in the role of metaphorical midwife, a spiritual director nurtures the spiritual birth and growth of the directee’s soul and relationship with God. Similar to labor and delivery, the director-directee relationship can involve long periods of waiting and uncertainty, presence and patience, solidarity through transitions, active work, and celebration. Spiritual directors can often observe directees from a more distant viewpoint than what they can see of themselves, allowing them to provide unique insights into the “birthing” process.
Women in Spiritual Direction
Finally, Guenther writes about the unique perspectives of women in spiritual direction. She notes characteristics of women as listeners, outsiders, and nurturers, aspects that can make women well-suited to becoming spiritual directors. She also addresses some considerations for common issues that arise when directees are themselves women.
My Thoughts on Guenther’s Holy Listening
I really appreciate the soft, feminine approach to describing spiritual direction that Guenther provides in her book. Throughout the book, Guenther creates an understanding of spiritual direction that involves an atmosphere of gentle abiding with directees. She encourages spiritual directors to be primarily receptive and to create and hold sacred space for directees.
Guenther creates an understanding of spiritual direction that involves an atmosphere of gentle abiding with directees.
Guenther’s book was published in 1992, so it may seem outdated to some. It does not address the issues of gender identity and sexual orientation that are so prominent in our society today. This is understandably so because these concerns were not so much a part of the public conversation at that time. Commendably, it seems to have been one of the first books on spiritual direction written by a woman presenting a woman’s perspective on this role and relationship of the spirit. Since then, there have been a number of new books on the subject written by women and published in 2000, 2008, 2011, and each year from 2018 to 2024. I have not yet read these various newer books at this time but will note comparisons when I review any of them in the future. The increasing frequency of books published on this topic and by women points to the growing popularity of spiritual direction in mainstream society.
Share Your Thoughts
If you are a spiritual director and have found another book on the topic and written by a woman that you have found most helpful, please share in the comments. If you are a spiritual directee or considering spiritual direction and found this book to influence your decision, please share about your experiences. I welcome your comments on this book and on this review.
May I Offer You Holy Listening?
I offer services as a spiritual director/guide/companion. To learn more about me, my journey to becoming a spiritual director, and what I might have to offer you, check out my blog article, “Holy Listening.”